Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
