if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
