I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize