this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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