ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize