we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
