He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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