I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
