Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
