I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
