summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
