tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
