I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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