I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
