i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
