Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
