god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
