Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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