The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
