you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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