Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
