I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
