i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
