I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
