so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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