That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
