my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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