oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
