Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
