i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
