Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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