I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
