im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
