May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
