Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
