apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
