we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
