I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize