Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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