I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
