Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My vagina just clenched in fear
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
