their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
