That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
