PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
