You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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