Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it was like eating out sand paper
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
