i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
