3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize