So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
