You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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