So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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