remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
