Who did Billy Mays play for?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
