Christians are straight up FREAKS
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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