Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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