For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
