I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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