every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize