first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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