she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
