you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can I color on your dick again?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
me + whiskey = a bad person
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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