My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
