I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
