my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
