I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
