Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
