She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
