I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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