I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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