Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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