No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The adults are the big ones right?
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