If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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