I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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