the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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