In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
