So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
