She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
