How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
